


The Landslide Brought Me Down

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [31]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1952040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Sexy</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Landslide Brought Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862), [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884), [I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640900), [I Know That I’ve Got Issues](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640908), [You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641365), [Everyone Must Stand Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641370), [I Should Be Happy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641377), [Every Now and Then I Fall Apart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641387), [I Wish That I Had Jesse’s Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641391), [I Dreamed That God Would Be Forgiving](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641394), [I Don’t Want To Be Friends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641401), [I’m a Loser Baby](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641414), [I Sometimes Wish I’d Never Been Born At All](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641422), [I Don’t Wanna Think Anymore](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951407), [I Am Stronger Than Yesterday](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951449), [Can You Hear Me Praying?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951482), [If I Lost You Would I Cry?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951506), [I’ve Got to Keep Control](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951545), [I’m Living a Teenage Dream](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951581), [I'm Like, Forget You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951644), [My Eyes Will See Only You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951707), [Stop Making a Fool Out of Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951761), [Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951788), [I Wonder if I Ever Cross Your Mind](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951833), [Cause You Make Me Sick](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951857), [Take Me as I Am](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951893) and [Don’t You Want Me Baby?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1952007)

Her fingers slide up Finn’s arm as he burries his hand in her hair. He is trying not to leave another mark on her neck but is means that his kisses are sloppier than usual. His hand feels huge as it moves to cradle the back of her head and she has the sudden alarming thought that, in a moment of clumsiness, Finn could totally snap her neck. She adds that thought to the list of things she needs to block out. The list is getting rather lengthy but that is the price she has to pay for making out with Finn.

She wasn’t lying when she told him that he should have been her first. He is everything her first should have been. He is sweet and loyal and he adored her. Unlike her actual first he is not a womanizer who only wanted to be able to say that he banged the head cheerleader. Most importantly he is not Rachel Berry.

Quinn is not about to pretend, at least not to herself, that she doesn’t want Rachel but that doesn’t mean that she’s comfortable with her feelings. Good Christian girls should not want such things. Somehow, when she compares it with premarital sex and teen pregnancy, being with Rachel still seems like the greater sin. She just wishes she could remember that when she is in Rachel’s presence. She wishes her whole world didn’t revolve around Rachel.

Even what she is doing with Finn is about Rachel in a way. There are the added advances of being able to pretend to be normal for a second and telling herself that she can live the life that’s expected of her but those things are less important than the impact her behaviour had on Rachel. Quinn was aware that jealousy was a motivator but she didn’t have any idea just how powerful it could be.

She is certain that Rachel’s reason for insisting that they join the Chastity Club was that she suspected Quinn was fraternizing with Finn. It’s not the explanation that Rachel gave but Quinn is more than capable of reading between lines when circumstances call for it.

Rachel had been snuggled against her on the couch. If she had have known that living with a single, working mother would have given her so much free time she might have moved back much earlier than she did. The brunette lifted the remote but before she had the chance to change the channel Quinn had pounced, grabbing Rachel’s wrist as she pinned her to the couch. Rachel allowed Quinn to kiss her and to rock her hips against her but when Quinn’s fingers approached Rachel’s waistband she sat up and Quinn lost a battle with gravity and fell to the floor.

As she fell she slammed her elbow into the coffee table and she cradled her arm as she stared at Rachel in disbelief. 

“Oh Quinn I’m so, so sorry,” Rachel said.

“Well that’s one way to tell me that you don’t want me to kiss you.”

“I didn’t mean for you to fall.”

“But you did mean to stop me. I am going to have to work on my seduction skills.”

“I think they are working just fine.”

Quinn rolled her eyes in response but the flushed look on Rachel’s face did give her some hope. “If it’s all the same to you I think I’ll keep practising.” She turned her attention to massaging Rachel’s bare foot.

“I think it’s something we should talk about.”

“Taking doesn’t often go well for us.” Quinn stated.

“I guess not,” Rachel admitted, “but this is serious.”

“Serious talks between us tend to be the worst of all.”

Rachel narrowed her eyes and looked at Quinn as though she was being a naughty child. “I’m attracted to you.”

“I didn’t realise I should be in any doubt about that.”

“You shouldn’t,” Rachel reached out and grasped Quinn’s elbow in order to pull her back up. Quinn winced in pain. “I’m sorry. This is not going well.”

“No, not really,” Quinn agreed and waved Rachel off as she got herself back onto the couch.

“Can we go back to the bit where I say that I’m attracted to you?”

“Ok because it’s good that have that settled.” Quinn went to kiss Rachel but Rachel was leaning back and holding up a finger. “I gather you’re not finished.”

“This is difficult for me to talk about.”

Quinn shuddered at the thought of something that was stopping Rachel in her tracks. “I won’t judge you.”

“I don’t like it when people make that sort of promise. You have no idea what I’m going to say.”

She’s too polite to tell Rachel that she is willing to put money on the fact that it has something to do with sex. “Ok I promise to judge you should I feel that’s appropriate once I’ve heard what you have to say.”

“Not exactly helpful,” Rachel complained.

“I’m only trying to play by your rules,” Quinn did her best to look the picture of innocence.

“I don’t know how to say this delicately.”

“Then don’t be delicate.”

“Ok,” Rachel said as she looked at her hands, “the thing is that I know that you have done some things that I haven’t. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing. It just means that you are somewhere different to me.”

“So we are talking about the fact that I’m not a virgin and you are?” Quinn clarified.

“Yes. I don’t want to offend you but it’s true.”

“Rachel I lugged a watermelon around for nine months there is not a person with eyes who doesn’t know that I have had sex. It’s a bit late to be offended by people knowing.”

Rachel nodded solemnly. “And given that you have in fact actually had sex in the past I am assuming that it means that things are different for you.”

“I don’t want to burst the bubble of whatever romance book you have been reading but it’s not necessarily a life changing experience. There’s not some magic spell that transforms you once you let someone stick their penis inside of you.”

“Ewwwwww, gross.” Rachel screwed her face up. “Why would you tell me that?”

“I’m just saying that it’s not all fairytales. I for one did not feel at all like a princess.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“We will try and do better for you.” Quinn twirled a strand of Rachel’s hair around her finger.

“That’s kind of the thing I was trying to talk about.”

“You’re worried that it won’t be any good.”

“It may not be,” Rachel shrugged, “but I don’t think it would matter because it would be with you.”

At times Rachel really was way too sweet for words, “So I don’t see a problem then.”

“As much as I like you, and do so like you, I don’t think I’m ready.”

“We’ve talked about this and I told you I’m ok with that.”

“But how can you be when you’ve crossed that bridge already?”

“Do you think having sex automatically turns someone into a slut?” Quinn voice was tight.

“Not at all, I just think it means that right now the decision to have sex isn’t the same for you as it is for me.”

“I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for. I am the last person who would want to force someone into something they’ll regret.”

“I’m worried that I’ll regret it if we don’t do it and yet I still can’t make myself feel ready.” Rachel dropped her head.

Quinn pressed her lips to Rachel’s crown, “You can only do what you feel is right.”

“What if we don’t make it? What if things fall apart again before I ever get my chance?”

“I don’t think I can answer that for you.”

“What if you decide you need to be with someone who can offer more?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you may not always feel that way.”

“I’m not sure that makes us different to any other couple.”

“So you don’t think you’d turn to Puck or say Finn for sex?”

Quinn’s teeth clenched together at the mention of Finn’s name. She wished there was a way to rid them of his spectre. “I have no current plans of that nature.”

“So you’re sure the lack of sex thing isn’t a problem?”

“Of course it isn’t,” she tied to reassure her, “I don’t know how many ways to tell you that.”

“Because I was thinking that maybe we could join the Chastity Club. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, not if sex is a bigger deal than you are telling me.”

She knew that she was trapped and had to tip her hat at Rachel’s expert manoeuvring. That’s not to say that she didn’t think that Rachel was making a huge mistake. “If that’s what you want.”

Thus she became a member of the Chastity Club. For a while she found it amusing to sit there with Rachel and listen to Miss Pillsbury extol the benefits of keeping one’s legs firmly shut and nod in response while she ran her finger up and down Rachel’s thigh. It made her feel bad in a really good way. The same way it made her feel to sing Afternoon Delight and relish in they guileless enthusiasm.

Even Rachel’s constant salvos of questions about her actions with Finn didn’t bother her. The more time she spent pleading the fifth the more affectionate Rachel became. It felt a little inappropriate to be reaping rewards from the situation but she can’t deny that she liked the outcome.

She had only ever intended to flirt with Finn. Quinn knew that kissing him had been a mistake. In a way she’s grateful that it happened given it meant she both lost Sam and engaged Rachel’s green eyed monster but Finn is not what she wants and it wasn’t fair to let him think that anything real was going on between them.

It surprises her that what changed things, what made her step things up with Finn, was not related to Rachel or Finn. Well at least not directly. It was watching Santana sing. She knows that Brittany and Miss Holiday were also singing but that did nothing to hide exactly what that song was about or who needed to sing it. 

Rachel applauding the group’s ode to lesbianism no something that Quinn would have expected but Quinn doesn’t wear the same rose coloured glasses that Rachel does. Rachel clearly didn’t see the pain in Santana’s eyes - the evidence of what her feelings for Brittany cost her. If a mega bitch like Santana isn’t strong enough to deal with the reality of being in love with a girl how on earth were Quinn and Rachel meant to handle it? She knew at that moment that she had do something to save them and Finn was ready and waiting to be used. She should have gone public about Finn then and there, it was the whole point of being with him after all, but she couldn’t make herself go through with it. She couldn’t crush Rachel’s dreams like that, couldn’t bring herself to face a hurt Rachel. 

So now she is in limbo. A strange level of hell where she is brushing hickeys off as curling iron burns. As punishment for her sins she is making out with Finn and wishing he were Rachel and making out with Rachel and wishing she hadn’t been with Finn. Damn Santana and her strange attempt at a secret and yet public declaration of feelings. Things were complicated before but now they are a complete and utter mess and she can’t escape the feeling that she is going to end up buried under the rubble.


End file.
